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The Level AfloatA soul pulsating ..... |
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July 03 Darkness surrounds meYou know there is one thing in the world I hate the most and its insomnia, a dreaded side affect since my accident and it always happens at the oddest time. I'll be dead tired all day, fall asleep so easily and I must either sleep so deeply at the start of my night that I'm rested or my dreams are so tripped out that I wake up confused thinking--WTF?
Tonight a little of both, I kept pushing my cat off the bed thinking it was in my dream because she was not giving me much room not including the guest appearances of the dream- twisted shit. Sometimes I really wonder how I get so much truth from my dreams and have it come true when I can dream just as tripped up as I do on other occasions. Confused as ever I sit here at 2:43am wondering WHY I'm so wide awake, and wishing for deep REM sleep right about now. I will toss back and forth, over and over again telling myself You're not that awake, drift back off, come on.. fall back asleep.. roll........ sigh.... roll... FUCK. I'm awake. Tonight instead of laying in bed WIDE awake telling myself I'm still sleeping I got up, maybe a little writing will help the old noggin to settle once again.
Or Maybe not.
You know I live with it because this is the best alternative rather than taking Meds for it. I've been on sleeping pills and absolutely love the 9 hours of deep sleep that comes with them, but with a little one that sometimes wakes once a night I can't be dead to the world and NOT hear her.. and meds always give the worst sleep hangover Ever. So every so often I roll over wide awake in the middle of the night and hope tonights not one of those nights.
Tonight IS.
I guess there is a lot on my mind, though I try to ignore most of it as I shouldn't be stressing but everything always comes back to me, finances- YUP I said it, thought this time around there is NOTHING I can do to solve that problem right now, so that has to just fade away. A certian grad reunion that just has to happen already so I can go back to surfing the internet on my off time aimlessly, and not worrying about WHO isn't notified yet with barely any notice. Another trip (the reunion), I love travelling but I'm getting tired, big plans to lay on my lounger on the deck all weekend, heres hoping the sun complies. Anything else bothering me....I'm not bothered to say.. as I just yawned and thats a good sign sleep is in my near future.
I do miss my friends- Its hit me this summer, maybe thats why I haven't had a problem leaving my home this summer. Wanting to be around them and enjoying all their moments as much as the ones we'd make.. but then I'd have to share my time again which I've grown accustom to having Nick all to myself. Selfish YES but I love him..
To the sound of my cat licking something fabric in the darkness I should wrap this up.. as its 2:51am now and I'm hoping to get 4 more hours of sleep before Miss Sophie wakes for the day.
I think I need to start writing again, more than my blog.. more than emails. I need the spilling of my heart, endless typing and passion flowing from my nimble fingertips.
Goodnight- Hopefully.
xo. July 02 Framed and dangerousFinally framed, to see some of my photos on a wall-- I can't stop looking at them. I can't believe I took them (all but one).
I'm hoping to hunt out some more frames I'd like to add to the collection as I have a lot more photos I'd like to print. But right now I'll revel in whats framed.
xo
 June 26 Born into the right family.A little retail therapy can ease any stress :)
Kidding, I did admit finding what I want and just buying it, I'm excited to get back home to decorate Sophie's room, got some wall decor, and a new shelving unit,. All I need are some photos printed.
Anyways, we are in Poco enjoying the elevated noise level, the endless toys, and nonstop monsters... Heading to Richmond tomorrow, and I've gotta get my game face on, Nick and Sophie are taking the day off, and then back to my sisters Sunday until Monday, where we are making our way to Kamloops to meet a new little Ephrem.
I'm excited to get a little bit more shopping done Sunday,... Obviously needing the fill of spending for some reason.
So happy to see these little monsters and Sophie's non-stop laughter towards their entertainment.
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